watching home videos clips from a month or two ago,
with happy jackson in my lap,
they might as well have been from another lifetime.
he smacked me in the face almost reflexively, his mood turned sour just watching the two of us on the screen. as had mine, seeing my oblivious smothering, seeing his righteous bewilderment.
and that smack was a reminder of why i must keep my mind focused, keep my distance, keep remembering that he isn't as needy as he wants us to believe, nor is he as mature as we want him to be, only all of 3 1/4 years old.
paint flows freely, i'm going to paint and smooth all the scraps i come across, i'm going to give them away until they start to come back, i'm going to send that big blue disc out to wisconsin, get that last monkey off my back so i can stand up straight.
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